Three Extremely Unbiased Ads The Canadiens Should Produce With Their New Partners, The Montreal Stars

It’s Friday! Friday is great. I’m not thinking on this beautiful Friday. I could talk about how the Habs could easily throw a concrete amount of money the Stars’ way, and I could talk about the issues with team-specific investment rather than league-wide investment, but IT’S FRIDAY AND I DON’T WANNA.

So instead, here are some ads I want to see:

ONE

[The camera pans in on PK Subban. He looks both beautiful and distressed.]
PK Subban: No! Wouldn’t you rather have another Subban jersey?
Tiny Child (Played By Time Traveling Abigail Breslin): JULIE CHU’S HAIR IS LUMINOUS AND HER EYES SPEAK SONNETS OF WOMEN’S HOCKEY. GIVE ME HER JERSEY THAT I MIGHT LIVE THE DREAM OF FAILING TO WIN GOLD AT FOUR CONSECUTIVE OLYMPICS, AND CRYING, AND BREAKING THE HEART OF STALWART AMERICANS EVERYWHERE.
PK Subban: Yikes. Are you sure you don’t want an Ouellette jersey? She’s an Olympian. A Canadian one.
Tiny Child: JULIE CHU OR I RIOT IN THE GRAND QUEBEC TRADITION.
PK Subban: [passes over a Julie Chu jersey]
A Sad Country Song: [plays over video of Team USA crying]

TWO*

Julie Chu, in a salmon-pink shirt with the collar popped, khaki shorts with anchors on them, and boat shoes: Connecticut is a great place.
Max Pacioretty, in a salmon-pink shirt with the collar popped, khaki shorts with anchors on them, and boat shoes: Agreed.
[they high-five as video of eagles soaring fades onto the screen]

*shoutout to @boldmatter on twitter for the entirety of this joke

THREE

Marie-Philip Poulin: I’m committing to the Montreal Stars for a season and the Canadiens are paying me an NHL salary. Additionally, out of respect for team veteran Julie Chu, I will be abstaining from the next Olympics.
[Flash forward to 2018. Julie Chu, gray streaking her hair, scores the gold-medal-winning goal. Her teammates surround her as she cries with joy. Pope Francis names her a saint. Every child born in the US that year is named Julie. Julie Chu becomes the next President. For fifty years, every planet discovered by NASA is named after her. Julie Chu statues are erected in front of every hockey arena in the country. THE PEOPLE REJOICE.]

THE END.

CWHL Weekend Preview: Race for Playoffs heating up! Boston vs Montreal, Brampton v Toronto

CWHL Weekend Preview: Race for Playoffs heating up! Boston vs Montreal, Brampton v Toronto

With only two weekends of games left before the end of the regular season, and a close race for playoff spots, this weekend is SURE to be exciting!

This weekend, the defending Clarkson Cup champions in Boston take on three-time champions, the Montreal Stars, twice. Very excitingly, at least some of the Olympians these teams lost appear to be planning to be back for this weekend! According to Julie Chu’s twitter, both she and Hilary Knight will be back for Saturday’s game at 4:30 PM CST, which is a fundraiser for Breast Cancer research. Chu, a member of the Montreal Stars, brings a veteran, two-way presence– she’s played both forward and defense for Montreal, although her points production has fallen off in recent years with the Stars. Knight was Boston’s leading scorer by a wide margin last season, and isn’t afraid to use her size on the ice either. Boston fans can hope that Gigi Marvin, who historically quarterbacked their defense, also returns soon– that team has been hurting for that kind of veteran presence on their defensive end. Saturday’s game is also this week’s CWHL Streaming Game, so make sure to watch it! The Blades and the Stars face off again on Sunday at 12:30 PM CST.

The other series this weekend is Brampton vs Toronto, kicking off on Saturday at 6:30 PM CST. Brampton, with only 10 points to Toronto’s 20, is currently not in the playoff bracket and would take quite a flukey set of circumstances to make it in, but could very much impact the tight race for seeding in the top four teams. Boston and Toronto are tied for second with 20 points, and Calgary trails closely at 19 points. Special teams could make quite an impact in this game, too, as Toronto has the second highest power play, while Brampton has the worst penalty kill. They’ll meet again on Sunday at 2:30 PM CST.

Enjoy the hockey this weekend, and keep an eye out for those returning Olympians– going to be real interesting to see how they get fitted back into CWHL lineups, and see how it impacts playoff hopes.